Last winter we had a group of siding guys show up on our doorstep asking if we wanted our siding done. What could hurt in getting an estimate? They went around and measured and stopped by the next day with the official estimate of $4600. At first, this seemed a little pricey, but when we totaled up our cost of $3500, I thought why not pay extra to have them do it? We had other projects that needed to be finished first, so the siding waited until two weeks ago. I wanted to start a price war, so Bryan called the list of numbers for siding in the phone book, and the estimates started to pour in. The guys from last winter never called us back. The next one wanted $5500 and wouldn't remove the old siding. And then it was $6800. Next came the whopper, $12,500! This guy was nuts. We laughed and laughed at his price tag. Last came one for $7000. He would remove the old siding, but only pile it on the side of the house, not actually dump it. Bryan decided to price our cost again, and found it was now $2200 (prices have dropped), and the decision was finalized. We would do it ourselves again!
I wanted to start on the project Friday night, and then spend all weekend hard at work. However, Friday afternoon, Bryan called me from work and told me to call Criscell. We were meant to do something fun that weekend with her and Spencer. I called and got the exciting announcement that an adoption was finally happening! I was devastated. Yes, I was extremely happy for Criscell and Spencer, and excited to meet another nephew, but wasn't it just last week that I moaned and whined and carried on like a crazy woman? I left work disheartened, knowing Bryan was going to be late. My phone was dead, so I plugged it in at home, got out my mp3 player and went to town on the siding. I removed all of the east side, as well as the east side of the front when Bryan finally arrived home. Once again he was amazed at how much I had accomplished. When he found out why, he made me put down my hammer and gloves, let go of my sadness, and took me to dinner. I'm glad he did. After dinner I felt much better, and now I could be the happy sister-in-law and lucky aunt.
On Saturday, we woke up semi-early and I finished removing the rest of the siding. Bryan finished the rock on the front of the house, and it looks awesome! We cleaned up and headed down to see our new nephew, Alex Joel. He is tiny and is a really good baby. No whining from this guy. I was glad we made time to meet him.
Sunday, we were up late, and began the long task of vacuuming the outside of the house. The old siding allowed for all types of bugs and spiders to climb underneath, and the labyrinth of webs, nests and rolled leaves was disgusting. We also pulled out the many leftover nails, and got to work putting up blueboard styrofoam. Several neighbors walked by, curiosity killing their cats. It was funny to see who would actually stop and say hi, and who would hurriedly run by all the while getting an eyeful. One neighbor mentioned, "Wow! This morning it was green and now it is blue!" I came back with "wait until you see what we do by tomorrow!" But then it rained last night and now we have to wait for the house to 'dry out' before putting up more blueboard. For now, we're installing the soffit and it looks great. Hopefully the good weather will come back, and we can go back to town and finally have a home that shows the skin deep beauty inside.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Happily Ever After...?
While cleaning my house, I thought of something I never had before. In every fairy tale that I could think of the princess wins her prince and they live happily ever after. The end. Whatever happened to life afterwards? Cinderella's story ends with the shoe fitting, Sleeping Beauty awakens from her evil spell, and Snow White escapes her wicked stepmother.
The past few months have been...difficult. And I don't know why it would be hard now instead of eight years ago. Shouldn't time ease the pain? Somehow the aging process makes you realize the important parts of life and you begin to reflect on what you've been dealt. I've been dealt a broken dream.
Back in high school I made the silly comment that I would not hold it against God if I never had children. I don't know what possessed me to pronounce this aloud, but it was an off-the-cuff remark. I don't blame God for the 'failure', nor anyone else. The funny part of that comment is 'never had children'. How would I know at 17 that twelve years later it would be true?
Turning 29 has not been easy. I'm not worried about becoming old; it's just the biological clock has been ticking for too long and the noise it makes is hard to ignore. It's difficult to know what is the right answer. I wonder how my great aunt and uncle felt. They never had children and this was during the '40s and '50s. How did they deal with the uncomfortable silences? Or the pesky questions? I have a hard time with this. What do you say? Each time it opens the wound and salt is lathered all over. At first it was a small smile; you know, the 'wink' type meaning anytime now. Then 2 years passed and I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was told easy peasy, have a laproscopy and wa-lah! Not so. Almost three years later I had another surgery and was told the same miracle result, but nothing. It's been about three years again, and the pains are back. It's definitely not looking in my favor. I don't want any more surgeries, or the daily dose of medication that will supposedly keep my pains in check.
Now the questions probe deeper, and hurt even more. Honestly? It's none of your business. I don't ask why you can't seem to stop producing. And why? Exactly, it's none of my business.
At times, like tonight, I want to whine about it. Why us? But every time I voice my shattered heart, I'm shut down. No one wants to hear me blab on about it. Heads turn and new conversations are started. It's as though I'm 'blessed' and should count my lucky stars. You really think so? How about the surprise hugs and 'I Love Yous'? Or the fun Christmas shopping trips and birthday party plans? Even back to school shopping and homework questions. It's the small things that matter and loneliness is painful compared to a lifetime filled by a child's spirit.
What I hate most about all of this? The stares with whispers behind hands, the rolled eyes when I say I would parent differently, the endless advice and the knowing looks of 'they don't try hard enough'. Who are you to know the answer? Most people can't even answer the simple question of PC or Mac? (Ummmm, Dell?). Believe it or not, your quick fix will not change the status quo. All I would like is space. Don't pester me with when, when, when, when. Let me go at my own pace. And don't ever judge me. Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you'll never understand the deep longing and heartache of each ticking moment that passes. I don't need pats on my shoulder or understanding looks either. I would just like to have our decisions be ours, not yours. And for that to be okay.
The past few months have been...difficult. And I don't know why it would be hard now instead of eight years ago. Shouldn't time ease the pain? Somehow the aging process makes you realize the important parts of life and you begin to reflect on what you've been dealt. I've been dealt a broken dream.
Back in high school I made the silly comment that I would not hold it against God if I never had children. I don't know what possessed me to pronounce this aloud, but it was an off-the-cuff remark. I don't blame God for the 'failure', nor anyone else. The funny part of that comment is 'never had children'. How would I know at 17 that twelve years later it would be true?
Turning 29 has not been easy. I'm not worried about becoming old; it's just the biological clock has been ticking for too long and the noise it makes is hard to ignore. It's difficult to know what is the right answer. I wonder how my great aunt and uncle felt. They never had children and this was during the '40s and '50s. How did they deal with the uncomfortable silences? Or the pesky questions? I have a hard time with this. What do you say? Each time it opens the wound and salt is lathered all over. At first it was a small smile; you know, the 'wink' type meaning anytime now. Then 2 years passed and I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was told easy peasy, have a laproscopy and wa-lah! Not so. Almost three years later I had another surgery and was told the same miracle result, but nothing. It's been about three years again, and the pains are back. It's definitely not looking in my favor. I don't want any more surgeries, or the daily dose of medication that will supposedly keep my pains in check.
Now the questions probe deeper, and hurt even more. Honestly? It's none of your business. I don't ask why you can't seem to stop producing. And why? Exactly, it's none of my business.
At times, like tonight, I want to whine about it. Why us? But every time I voice my shattered heart, I'm shut down. No one wants to hear me blab on about it. Heads turn and new conversations are started. It's as though I'm 'blessed' and should count my lucky stars. You really think so? How about the surprise hugs and 'I Love Yous'? Or the fun Christmas shopping trips and birthday party plans? Even back to school shopping and homework questions. It's the small things that matter and loneliness is painful compared to a lifetime filled by a child's spirit.
What I hate most about all of this? The stares with whispers behind hands, the rolled eyes when I say I would parent differently, the endless advice and the knowing looks of 'they don't try hard enough'. Who are you to know the answer? Most people can't even answer the simple question of PC or Mac? (Ummmm, Dell?). Believe it or not, your quick fix will not change the status quo. All I would like is space. Don't pester me with when, when, when, when. Let me go at my own pace. And don't ever judge me. Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you'll never understand the deep longing and heartache of each ticking moment that passes. I don't need pats on my shoulder or understanding looks either. I would just like to have our decisions be ours, not yours. And for that to be okay.
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